"We go to all away matches by bus or train or car. And we get so pissed before the game that we don’t know where we are." The above lyrics (and an article in another clubs fanzine) made me wonder which is my favourite mode of County away transport. Is it bus (well, coach)? Is it the rattler? Or is it a motor car? All undoubtedly have their merits and which one you prefer depends entirely on your circumstances and what kind of matchday routine you favour.
We’ll do them in order.......
Coach
Perhaps my least favourite mode of transport. Don’t get me wrong, on some occasions if you’ve got the right company it can be the best choice. Certain coaches allow the consumption of the odd medicinal liquid refreshment which always helps to pass the time. All things being equal though, I’d choose to travel on a coach last.
It’s the "there and back" routine I’m not really into. The fact the coaches tend to arrive shortly before kick off and leave straight after isn’t really my scene. I’m sure it suits some people perfectly and good luck to them but for long away trips I can’t think of anything worse than sitting on a cramped coach, going at 50 mph, listening to a cacophony of excitable, badly behaved kids, opinionated men and the sound of someone eating yet another tube of sour cream and chives pringles which fucking stink by the way.
That brings me onto another point. The smell. In fact it’s not even a smell. It’s not an aroma at all. It’s a stench. That’s what it is. A stench. It’s a mixture of stale beer, sweat, pie farts and depending on your proximity to the little box masquerading as a toilet...pure shit.
As I write this I can’t help a wry smile appearing on my face. Maybe it’s a love/hate relationship I actually have with coaches? Maybe there’s something strangely appealing about the whole thing? Some coaches are undoubtedly more enjoyable an experience than others and perhaps if the return journey wasn’t so smelly/arduous we’d view coach trips with a lot more fondness.
Train
I won’t beat about the bush. I love trains, me. I love the whole process. The pursuit of cheap tickets weeks in advance is the start of it. These days you can check on the internet but even then there are sometimes hidden money savers that won’t be apparent via the web. Stuff like 4 for the price of 2 for Hereford away. It’s deals like this that often make train trips a genuine bargain.
Even when there are cheaper options on offer the train is usually good value. I recently paid the full £62 fare to get to London for our game at Dagenham. In fact with the tube
fare it totalled over £70 and meant I spent roughly 8 hours of my day on a train. I was also asked whether I could read by the most patronising woman who has ever walked the earth when I dared to have a relaxed chat with a friend in the comfort of the quiet zone. Fair enough, if she’d been nice about it we’d have apologised and either shut up or moved but no. "Can you read?". My "Of course I can read, there’s no need to be patronising" comeback was somewhat undermined by the response of my traveling companion who drunkenly retorted "Stop moaning you toffee nosed bitch".
Stuck up women apart though, the journey home passed quickly and the journey there flew by even quicker. I think it’s the comfort and the chance to use passable toilets and actually have a walk around. A train journey is also more adventurous. Compared with the car or the coach, most train journeys involve having to get from the station to the ground. London aways in particular have huge scope for a bit of exploration which is why for most London trips there are often several County fans on the 6am train.
So yes, I like trains. It’s a mixture of comfort, speed and an element of adventure that does it I think. If you can get you ticket cheaply then even better.
Car
I’m a non driver. I’ll get that out of the way straight away. I had over 20 lessons when I was 17 but for various reasons I didn’t pursue learning to drive. It didn’t interest me really. I tried two instructors, the first of which always absolutely stank of garlic and it often made me feel sick as he fired instructions at me from close proximity. He wasn’t even French- he lived in Hazel Grove. The second chap started to actually teach me more than how to hold my nose while doing a three point turn but I went on holiday and when I came back he’d retired. I gave up after that.
Despite the fact I’m always a passenger on away trips in the car and therefore don’t have the hassle of having to concentrate on the road, I still can’t be arsed with them in the main. Most recently I shared a nice big comfortable car with some friends on an away trip to Shrewsbury. Maybe it was their terrible excuse for a football ground, coupled with the poor result that makes me look back on the day through shite tinted glasses. Maybe it was the fact I’d spent 4 hours solidly playing the boxing game on my new Nintendo Wii the night before that left me feeling like I’d been run over as I got out of the car on arriving home. Or maybe it was the fact I’d just spent several hours traveling in a car with several other people all squashed in like it was some kind of endurance experiment.
I was immensely grateful to actually get to the game but the comfort aspect of the journey was non existent. Generally speaking the car can sometimes be the best option. Night games for example often require a quick ‘get in, get out’ approach (See Morecambe away this season).
Convenience is sometimes a factor.
Maybe if one day they invent a car that people who can’t drive can use, and that car has special roomy seats and a telly you can watch while driving, and maybe a stewardess to brew up, massage you while driving..maybe then I’ll hail the car as the ultimate away day traveling experience. Until then though, it will be relegated to the ‘oh go on then if that’s the only way’ option.
0 comments:
Post a Comment